I finally ate, a bowl of raisin bran this morning around 9 after I’d gone across town for an oil change. Then I ate two bowls of a green chile chicken burrito with curly fries from the local Twisters. Then I became all tingly and overwhelmingly tired and took a nap until about now, which is 1330 mil time.
So, what to report. It was something I never thought I’d ever do that when I started it didn’t seem that big an imposition. The first day I was thinking, ‘eat by sundown’ but once the sun went down I had stopped being hungry and I remembered that old girlfriend saying that if you want to see reality as it truly is, you must fast for 3 straight days. And you can’t tell anyone you’re doing it.
Well, it’s hard to keep that one if you have a family that still eats dinner together. We do, on an off and on basis, so I could keep it a secret depending on the time of the week I started. I happened to pick Sunday as my first day and that’s a traditional family dinner day, so…perhaps the reason why I didn’t see any of those Lovecraftian idlewild horrors floating around in the air above my head or whatever is because I didn’t keep that code of secrecy.
My day three was a feeling of euphoric and bleak peacefulness. After I got home from work I took a shower. Wait, I must tell you I had a conversation with the security guard at our federal building (I work for the Forest Service accounting hub here in Albuquerque) about my current straits, yes I told him to in the form of a question, “Have you ever fasted?”
He told me 21 days, which needed clarification because I was thinking, damn! Is that a near death experience then? But he amended that it was a dawn to dusk type deal. I said, “Like Ramadan?” Which got him going about not being a F’ing muslim, but we finally got the train back on the track when I admitted I’d been going 3 days about by then. I told him I felt bleak and kind of buzzed and tunnel visiony. I admitted I didn’t know what else to do in the face of such in your face obfuscation and downright evil having to do with the Covid psychological war on the population (which seems to be working gangbusters here in New Mexico) and the blatant disenfranchisement of the voters of the presidential election and society’spenchant to just keep going as if nothings wrong. Well, yeah, they have used covid to divide us as nothing before it has been able to do. They hit the gold mine on this one for sure. But back to the security guard. HE told me I needed to chill, basically, that God is coming to do some weeding. I mean, he didn’t say it that flippantly, more encouragingly: trust in God (trust the plan). It is not for mortals to have a say in the timing of these cosmic things. I added that this fast and prayer was the last thing I had left to try and give me some insight, piece or new perspective. Something. He told me he would intercede in prayer for me and I told him I needed that.
Later, at home in a black closet I got down on my knees and prayed. Maybe 10 minutes, maybe 5. I asked for strength to have courage and do the right thing even in the face of so many top down mind games, really mind warfare that’s meant to disable your brain and make you into a compliant zombie. Anyway. I didn’t get so detailed as that, just asked for strength to do right in the face of evil or whatever you want to call this shit we’re living through. I said something about the fast because instead of food I wished to be filled up with the holy spirit. Then something physical did happen. The hunger pains or anxiety or a combination of what I was then feeling became a warm feeling of contentment.
Well, if you were hoping for something more dramatic, I was too. But I’ll take little signs where I can find them. It was something tangible. No great revelation, but something to build on. I went to bed and didn’t remember if I dreamed.