At Least the Popcorn’s Fresh, init?

Johnny Depp’s cloying portrayal of Willie Wonka was a disaster in its own right. Compared to the classic character Gene Wilder had created 35 years before, Depp’s performance was an outright abomination. The absolutely unnecessary remake of this classic movie is one of the greatest examples of how the film industry has sold its soul for profit by alchemically turning gold into worthless garbage with zero entertainment value beyond the A-list actor’s name on the marquee.

The current to-do surrounding federal prosecutor John Durham’s findings strikes me as quite similar to the bad faith machinations we’ve tolerated for so long by the soulless golems who run the entertainment biz who feed us the mangled corpses of their predecessor’s past glories, vis Willy Wonka.

That Hillary Clinton used campaign funds to pay for the fake dossier that predicated the fake FISA warrant that justified the nonstop spying on the Trump campaign is old news that ran its course years ago with none of the bad actors ever held accountable for the crimes they demonstrably committed. James Comey stood up at a press conference and told the country that HRC had committed crimes but that he wasn’t going to recommend charges to the DOJ because, in so many words, she’s Hillary Clinton. The short addendum he tacked on was that anyone doing what Hillary did (conduct classified business on her own public server) should not expect to be able to get away with it like Hillary did because, well, you know, 50 or so suicides of close associates has got to tell you something, no? Forget about it! Wannabe rock star Peter “Crossfire Hurricane” Strzok is on record texting in response to his lover’s lament about a possible Trump presidency: “We’ll stop it!” James Clapper, Andrew McCabe and John Brennan are all on record as having lied to Congress during the never ending Russia! Russia! Russia? counter intelligence operation which was the real conspiracy as opposed to the one they all had concocted about Russia to bring down Trump’s presidency. It was apparent to anyone with the ability to conjugate 1st grade math.

So what’s the big deal now that Durham produced this boring director’s cut of a movie we’ve all already seen? There’s still a better chance you’re going to fall into a chocolate river and get sucked up into its giant tube filtration system than any of the big fish in this cloak and dagger caper being held accountable for their crimes.

The Durham story is pissing on your leg and calling it rain; just another fake outrage, an exploitation flick full of sound and fury that will ultimately and again amount to nothing. This so-called Bombshell is just a soft reboot that bombed a long time ago. Tell us something we didn’t already know.